Pole May I Have This Dance!

Hey friends it's Oz here for a pole dancing edition of The Oz Files. Yes I am afraid to say it Leah has come up with a pole dancing topic. So pole dancing is under consideration for an Olympic sport in the 2012 London games should the Olympic Committee allow this? So I had to do my research on this marvelous topic and I have found out the Mormons are behind this revolution. There will be a link of the article that I found will have more. So a Utah Based "dance" studio is really starting the movement to have pole dancing as an Olympic "sport." I mean seriously pole dancing is meant for the strip clubs and bars that I have poles. I am sure there are a lot of women who make a lot of money at pole dancing props to them but seriously ladies do you we really want to watch pole dancing in the Olympics. I mean come on guys I can see it now representing Russia Oksana Kolev on the pole! A hush comes over the crowd as they look Oksana up and down in that sexy "uniform" other known as tramp apparel. The commentary look how Oksana has great pole presence as she goes up and down and her head is on a steady pace. WOW she's really commanding the pole this kid is gonna be tough to beat! She has set the bar high oh speaking of bars that is where pole dancing should stay! Let's see the scores for Oksana Kolev one judge for artistic a judge for presentation and the other judge for technical all three judges gave her a 10.00 because they were not watching the performance they were enjoying the sights and sounds of OKSANA KOLEV the Russian bombshell. I think I've made it clear the Olympic Committee would be so stupid to let poll dancing in the Olympics! Here are some quotes from the article I'm gonna link 'This is not stripping at all. I don't take my clothes off at all,' owner says. Kim Walters, also a mom and another Studio Soiree member, said, "I'm an LDS house wife. It's not a typical thing for LDS women to do." Well what do you think of this topic on pole dancing possibly becoming an Olympic sport? For those Olympic hopefuls Holley Mason has classes on the 3rd floor follow your dreams! Well until next time may the Oz always be with you so long! http://nbcsports.msnbc.com/id/27846893/ CHECK IT OUT!

The Big Time!

Hey friends it's Oz here for a fictional revelation edition of The Oz Files. Leah is bowling and has a sunburn ha um anyways tonight's topic is if I could be any fictional character from history who would I be and why? Well I had to think about this for a few minutes but suddenly the light came on and we have come to a decision. I could have appeased the geeks out there and went with some sort of comic superhero but you know I did a blog about spiderman so I already spoke to that demographic. I also could have gone with a cartoon character like Garfield but you know I already did a blog about dogs and cats so I've already covered the feline society. I was strongly considering Michaelangelo from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles but I just couldn't pull the trigger but he's one hell of a character COWABUNGA! How about Charlotte from Charlotte's web um not so much I'm not a spider or a women and I don't like books so I guess that rules that out. You guys do understand I'm just filling up BS space because I don't have a lot to say ok good were on the same page What I have chosen may shock and amaze people on how old school I'm going but we shall see. The fictional character comes from the silver screen from way back in 1988 I was six years old. We are going with Josh Baskin from the movie BIG starring Tom Hanks. Not going to go into detail about the movie but basically Josh Baskin is at a carnival he want to be big he's a kid and speaks to the Zoltran and he wakes up and he's in a grownups body but in a kids intellectual structure. Anyways the reason I chose to be Josh Baskin is any kid wants to be big but sometimes things backfire just like in this movie and 13 going on 30 definitely have to go check them both out wink wink at Leah! Just think about it your like 13 years old and you wake up and you look like your 30 something and your friends are like 13 and you can actually drink and do stuff kids can't do. The opposite sex for you at the tender age of 13 in a grown mans body is quite hilarious you tend to go for the 13 year olds ha ha! What would be bad is if your a kid and are in a 30 something body and your mom likes you a lot now that would be scary but common down in the South and Utah! Well as I said I did no have a lot to say on this topic but I wanted all of you to know who I thought would be really cool to be if I could. Well what are your thoughts on this topic who would you be and why? Well until next time may the Oz always be with you so long!

The Chicken Crossed The Road!

Hey friends it's Oz here for a chicken edition of The Oz Files. Leah had some good dreams she took a nap so this blog topic is quite refreshing. Tonight's blog topic is Why did the chicken cross the road? What was so important on the other side? This debate has been brewing for ages and it's up to Oz to answer the age long question why did the chicken cross the road? First of all you always hear the childish remarks with the answer to get to the other slide. Dude that's not funny kid please come back with better material. So why did the chicken really cross the road? It's quite simple he was doing his potty dance running around like a chicken with his head cut off ha ha not literally but he definitely is a chicken or her I don't want to discriminate! The chicken was a lonely chicken and he had nowhere to go and he felt sad. I think I saw him shed a tear or two and Big Bird was right there to lend his shoulder to cry on. After that sad pathetic sight had passed then the chicken got pretty hungry. So the chicken actually did cross the road and he or she did not know what was in store. When they crossed the road to the amazement of the chicken he saw a huge bucket of white crispy 8 piece chicken style. When the chicken he saw thought and he knew at that moment his brothers and sisters had been made into a KFC crispy special! When the chicken realized this they knew what they had to do. It had to be slaughtered to redeem the chicken's families honor. So the deed was done and that poor chicken lived a good life and the chicken was also made into a KFC meal for a family in need. It wasn't for a family just for Leah and Oz to enjoy ohhhhh they deserved oh so much! Well that's my story and I'm sticking to it! Why did the chicken cross the road and what was so important on the other side? Well until next time may the Oz always be with you so long!

The People Clicker!

Hey friends it's Oz here for an invention edition of The Oz Files! It is that time again yes it's free write Friday. That means Oz gets to choose his own topic and tonight's topic is if I could invent anything what would it be and why? I think this is a good subject and I will start by saying the invention that I would do already exists in some ways but not in the way I would use it. I would make some modifications for certain. The modern day remote control is the basis of what my invention would be. However there is a slight catch to this whole idea of a remote control. People in today's society use it to watch TV and watch DVDs. Which are all good things and I support them 110%. However the Oz is here to make some drastic changes to this ever so fascinating piece of equipment. I would have seven basic keys for the remote. They are as follows power,pause,rewind,mute,volume up,volume down and fast forward. You may ask Oz those are already in place what are you talking about son? Those controls definitely are in play in today's ever changing society but the Oz has bigger plans in store. My invention would be called the all in one People Clapper. The main purpose of this invention is to use the remote control function on people. So if you don't like someone all you would have to do is whip out that controller and press the power key and they are gone and they would come back after a two minute timeout but by the time they come back your long gone. How about if your in a situation that renders for you to think about something for a minute or two so what do you do you press the pause button to the person you are talking too. Once you reach a resolution then you un pause and make a rational decision. It makes you and the other person happy it's a win win all around! Have you ever been in a situation where you wish you could go back in time maybe just a few minutes or maybe just a few hours? Well with the People Clicker your just one click away from going back in time. Say you robbed a bank and after doing so you really regret it just point the People Clicker towards you press rewind and go back in time and then relive the moment like it never happened. Can you say ground hog day? I can and I think it's fabulous. If your day is dragging along and you just want it to be the end of the day so you can go home there is an easy way to achieve your goals. Of course use the People Clicker and point at yourself or even point at the clock to enhance the object finder. All you gotta do is click fast forward until you want to stop and boom you got your goals accomplished and all it took was one click of a button. This brings me to the last two controls which would be one of my favorites. Let's say your interested in one thing and talking to someone about the other and you want to tune them out a little bit. All you gotta do is click that volume down button and voila you got a little of this and a little of that going on. Also what if you want to hear what they are saying but they talk so soft you can't hear them or if you want everyone to hear just press the volume up arrow and crank that sucker up and you can hear what they are saying as long as you point the People Clicker to that person. You can also point it to yourself turn your self up or down it all serves a purpose! Well I hope you all enjoyed The People Clicker invention. What would you invent and why? Well until next time may the Oz always be with you so long!

Wedding Crashers!

Hey friends it's Oz here for a delayed edition of The Oz Files. It was my bad Leah sent me the topic on time and I just fell asleep and woke up at 11:30 and so today we at The Oz Files deliver two hard hitting blogs. In this edition is Leah's topic what movie would I make into a sequel and what would be the basic plot? So I had a lot of time to think about this and I have come to a great decision. So I think a great movie to do a sequel from would be Wedding Crashers! The name of the sequel would be Wedding Crashing 2 The Mix up! So those of you who have seen Wedding Crashers the movie ended when the two married couples were headed down the highway in a car and were on there way to crash a wedding posing as Mormon cowboys. So the basic plot is this they go to this wedding pose at Mormon cowboys and cowgirls who is gonna do the crashing will the marriages be scorn after this crash? You have four married people will the four individuals involved each have someone to crash with? I think this would be quite riotous with two married couples crashing the same wedding posing as Mormons anything can happen under the sheets! When your talking about Mormons maybe the crashing can crossover and perhaps the four individuals will cross paths with all the erotic pleasures of Mormon ways! We can't go any further but this is the basic plot how will it end why don't you tell me what you think how it all boils down! Oz also wants to know what sequel would you make and what would the basic plot be? Well until next time may the Oz always be with you so long!

AT&T The Big Cheese!

Hey friends it's Oz here for a technology edition of The Oz Files. Leah has decided that today's topic is going to be what does AT&T have to do to achieve world domination? This is quite the great topic since Leah and myself work for AT&T so this is going to be a tasty treat. When you think of AT&T you think of greatness and pure genius. AT&T is such a big company they have a wireless division, wireline division, internet division and hey they even have Directv bundles. I think AT&T makes a lot of money off stupid prepaid customers they suck them in and take there money with crappy rate plans. The people love it the people savor it the people love spending money for AT&T. What does AT&T have to do to achieve world domination? Well if we are talking about cell phone world domination it's quite simple. AT&T has to buy out at least one major cell phone company which I could see that happening down the road. IF and when that happens AT&T is going to be the biggest and the baddest company of man kind. What I think would be the cherry on top would be if AT&T merged up with McDonald's. Think of it AT&T and McDonald's join forces to bring the best promotions of mankind. Buy an IPHONE and we will throw in a book of mcd's coupons as a special promotion. America loves McDonald's so I think that would definitely be a huge factor for the first step in the right direction for world domination! One other thing that AT&T has to accomplish to gain world domination is hire Ozzie Whitehead as there spokesperson. With Oz representing the AT&T brand you put a sexy voice out there for a sexy product! AT&T and Oz equals world domination so whose with me? So what do you think AT&T has to do to gain world domination? Well until next time may the Oz always be with you so long!

The Oz Scammer!

Hey friends it's Oz here for the second blog topic of the day oh and it's gonna be a dandy it's a sporty edition of The Oz Files. Tonight's topic is what is the most memorable sporting event I have ever attended and what made it so memorable? I have been to many sporting events in my lifetime but it's really hard to just pick one. So here I am faced with a dilemma and I think Oz has come to a solution. In a previous blog I mentioned how I may have scammed the Spokane Indians out of two free press passes for a whole summer. Well I think I'd like to elaborate on that a bit and I think everyone reading this will have a good laugh. So in 2004 when I was going to SFCC writing for the newspaper in the sports division mostly. I also wrote for other various sections. So we got a call at the office from Jay Stewart who does promotions for the Spokane Chiefs and Spokane Indians and who used to be play by play for the Chiefs. He called asking for the lead sports writer which was me asking me if I wanted to do an article on the Grotto. Which was being built and nearly completed and I jumped all over that opportunity like white on rice. I went out to Avista Stadium with a photographer and I had a tour of the stadium had a nice chat with the President of the Spokane Indians and Advertising dude about baseball and the Spokane Indians and the grotto and various other topics. We had a nice chemistry brewing and after the interviews were done the President of the Spokane Indians asked me if we have a paper in the summer and I said "sure" we do. He asked me if I'd like to have two summer press passes to the games this year to do some stories on the Spokane Indians. I was thinking to myself hmmm Free Press Passes to Spokane Indians baseball games all summer long. Hmm Sounds good to me only one of us knew there would be no articles written but I did bring all my stuff up to the press box acting like I was doing something. Opening day rolls around I arrive at the ballpark I say I got two press passes for Ozzie Whitehead. To my amazement the guy hands me two press passes for the entire summer I was quite baffled. So I ask someone where is the press box so I have these passes might as well take advantage of a great situation. I met the PA announcer the scoreboard operator the sound effects dude even the broadcaster and a Spokesman review reporter. They had no idea who I was and I preferred to keep it that way. Oz always like to keep a low profile so that I can scam the city of Spokane for all it's worth. One of the great perks being part of the "Press Box" was the free hot dogs, hamburgers and pop. The view was out of this world and I brought my tape recorder and a notepad and I looked all legit. What did I do with this information I threw it away and I enjoyed my recording at the ball park. I kept coming back every night. If the Spokane Indians were at home Oz would make sure he'd be there. I invited friends and such up with my extra press pass it was quite enjoyable. We had a fun time up in the press box. The season had almost came to a close but it was to be my last night in that glorious press box. This douche bag kid who ran the sound effects said who are you I told him and he said Bobby Brett is going to speak with you. Dum Dum Dum DUUUUUM! So that last night I brought my uncle up to the press box which was pretty sweet. I did talk to Bobby Brett who um owns the Spokane Indians. He said I know you got the press passes but the press box is meant for the Major Media outlets he did not say it like that he put it in a nice way. So he said if you need any tickets to any games you let me know and I'll get ya great seats. So that was my last night in the press box however that wasn't the last time I would use my press passes. I would keep showing up at the stadium I would get in for free and I'd just sit in some fabulous seats that were not occupied. So to answer the blog question my most memorable sporting event would have to be the summer of 2004 at Avista Stadium watching a lot of free Spokane Indians games and I think why was it so memorable I think I've explained that in great detail. I scammed the Spokane Indians for free stuff and I'm quite happy with that. Some of you out there may be thinking say it aint so say it aint so Oz! My friends I regret to inform you even I the great and powerful wizard of Oz can be mischievous as well. What is your most memorable sporting event you have attended and what made it so memorable? Well until next time may the Oz always be with you so long!